Does it feel like parenting just keeps getting harder the more your children age? When I was a mom to toddlers I would dream of the pre-teen/teen days and think, “Wow, that is going to be so easy!” But what I didn’t know then that I so clearly know now is that it just keeps getting more difficult. Not in a bad way! Just different. And I sorely underestimated the fact that every parent has to learn how to have tough conversations with your kids.

As they age and their lives become more complex, so do the conversations.

I recently had to talk about some tough things with my 10-year-old daughter and while I felt like I didn’t know how to navigate it, I do think I came out on the other side with an action plan for the future.

We oftentimes try to treat kids as if they aren’t humans because we are trying to shield them from the harsh realities of the world, but what I have found in over a decade of parenting is that we simply need to see our children. See their pain and their frustration and let them not only feel it, but also express it.

So how can you easily chat with your kids about the tough stuff? I have a few ideas for you!

 

HOW TO HAVE TOUGH CONVERSATIONS WITH YOUR KIDS:

 

1. Listen to them.

 

As parents, we want to fix it and make it better but sometimes they just need someone to listen to them. Oftentimes times that will be the solution to whatever is upsetting them. Don’t try to give them all the answers or brush it off saying, “Everything will be okay.” Let them talk and truly listen to their heart. 

 

2. Talk through things they can do to make the situation better. 

 

Once you have listened to everything they are feeling, help them create an action plan for improving the situation or dealing with their emotions. Let them take the reigns on this, just simply be there to help guide them in the process.

 

3. Let them feel it.

 

Don’t try to help them create ways to avoid the issue. Let them sit in the tough and experience the uncomfortable. Sometimes they will just have to walk through it as a learning lesson. This has been one of the hardest things as a parent to let them do but I know that with my guidance and support, it will only make them stronger.

 

4. Never judge them.

 

No matter what they say, even if it’s the craziest thing you have ever heard, keep the judgment to yourself. Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand where their heart is. If they think we are a source of judgment, they will stop coming to us. And that is the last thing we want. So see them. Understand them. And let them know that they can always come to you.

 

Parenting children never comes with a user manual and I still don’t have it all figured out. And I probably never will. But what I do know is that I love my children with everything I have and sometimes that’s all the direction we need.

So when you’re wondering how to have tough conversations with your kids, don’t look for a script. Simply open your arms and your heart and let the rest flow freely. We’re never going to know it all. And we’re never going to get it right 100% of the time. But if we can hear them and we can love them, we can figure this whole parenting thing out!

I’m cheering for you, mama! It won’t always be easy. But it’s always gonna be worth it!